As a lifelong sufferer of severe depression and anxiety, joy is a rare and precious thing, happy moments so few and far between. Last week I was able to scrape together a few dollars to drive about 6 hours south to one of my favorite places: Summer Lake Hot Springs. It’s a little place not far from the tiny town of Paisley, along one of the popular routes to Burning Man. I’ve always loved it there, there’s something magical and soothing about that place, and the couple of days i stayed there were the most calm, the closest to happiness, that I have felt in so very long.
Who doesn’t love waking up to horses calmly mowing the grass
The remains of a meditation maze that a friend of mine built several years ago. it’s still lovely as it’s slowly reclaimed by the desert scrub
The view from inside the Barn. it’s a lovely, creaky old structure with sofas and art, a calm place to rest in the shade, or catch some sleep if you’re a traveler without a tent to shelter in
Inside the Barn
I’ve always been a sucker for rusty old farm equipment
I’d made a white gown that I had planned to wear at Burning Man, but since I wasn’t able to go, I brought it to Summer Lake with me. I don’t have many photos that show me feeling at ease, at peace, alive and beautiful, but this is one of them.
And a rainbow to send me off as I reluctantly made my way home
Coming back to my house in Washington was so very hard. To leave one of the few places where I feel free from my demons, just to return to a place that is so full of them I can barely breathe. The bad times help you appreciate how wonderful the good times are, but it feels like the good is so brief, and the bad is so endless.
When I finally came home I had a breakdown, a bad one. It almost got to the point where I needed to be hospitalized, but a few friends sprang into action after I made a frantic plea on social media and one of them called my therapist, since I literally wasn’t capable, and he called me and talked me down just enough for me to regain a grip. It’s funny, and sad, how sometimes all we need is one person, just one, to go a little way out of their way to let us know that we are cared about. Just one. And it’s even more sad to know that there are people who don’t even have one. That’s not how it should be. Ever.